He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
