today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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