if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
