Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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