Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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