why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
