remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
