I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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