Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
