I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
