Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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