I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
