Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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