As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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