weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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