I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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