Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
