It's Friday. Sex?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
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The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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