today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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