well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
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can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.