new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.