Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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