worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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