Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
