That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
