I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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