By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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