Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
