Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
