Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
