my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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