its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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