new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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