I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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