woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
