never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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