oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
