She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
