She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
