And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
