I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
