If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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