Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
