tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got inside last night via doggy door
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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