Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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