I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
