I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
