Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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