How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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