I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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