South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
