ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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