So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
