guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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