You really coming over, don't trick.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
where am i from again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
