Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
