naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
