Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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