who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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